Padme s Ruminations
by SatineSkywalker
Summary: Padme has married Anakin but loves aaother. PadmeObi, PadmeAni sorry about the spelling in the early chapters, better ones out soon! 17.08.2009
1. Till Death Do Us Part

_This is my first fic so please, review and let me know how you like it._

**  
**

**Till death do us part**

After the priest had left Anakin stood on the balcony of the palace. Padme went behind him and hugged him. He took her in his arms and they embraced. Anakin started kissing Padme on the lips, thn moved on to the neck and put his hand on her bottom. She pulled quickly away.

„We can´t do this. Not yet."

„Why not? We are married. It is right that a husband and a wife…"

„I can´t, I´m afraid."

„Of what? Of me?"

„No, yes, no, I don´t know. I´ve never done this before."

„Don´t worry, I would never hurt you."

She smiled to her just wed husbad, who she loved very much. Actually she knew she wasn´t afraid of sex. She had to make it look like she was, though. If Anakin knew…

„We don´t have to do it tonight, if you are not ready." Anakin said, slightly disappointed.

„No, I want to."answered padme

The thoughts in her red ran rapidly. These feelings, these feelings she felt for someone. _No Anakin´s my husband, I can´t think about other men! _She fought herself. _But I love him!_What? She didn´t just think that! She´s not in love with Obi-Wan, Anakins best friend and master. _What are you thinking? You can marry another man but if you sleep with him you feel as if your betraying Obi-Wan?_ These thoughts had to end. She so much wanted to give herself to Anakin. Ever first time she saw Obi-Wan she had been attracted to him but when she saw Anakin all grown up and hansome. She really wanted to give herself only to Anakin but Obi-Wan haunted her thoughts.

Meanwhile Anakin had taken her hand. She didn´t even notice. He looked at her. He was worried. He sensed Padme wasn´t really with him.

„I love you. I can wait for you as long as you like"

Padme was a bit startled when Anakin whispered that.

„I love you too"

She kissed him long. He gained confidence and had another try. He started moving his hands on her body. Padmes curvs aroused him and he started making out with her. She put her hands behind his neck and started playing with his hair. Only Anakin was on her mind.

He lifted her in his strong arms and carried her in the bedroom. She looked in his eyes and realised what a great man she had married. He put her down softly. And started taking off her dress. It was quite tricky and he tore it a bit. That annoyed Padme and she took the dress off herself. Anakin was embarrased. He took his clothes off and crept on the bed. Padme was in her lingerie. Anakin started slowly taking it off. When Padme was only in her knickers, Ani felt that it went hard between his legs. Padme noticed that, climbed on him and pressed her body against him. She kissed him passionately all over his body. Anakin started taking off her knickers and Padme shivered. They enjoyed their love all night. A few times Padme pictured Obi-Wan when Anakin was making love to her. It made her happy.


	2. A Friendly Visit

**A friendly visit**

Padme slept till noon that day. She knew Anakin had left the night before. She was calm, she didn´t even miss him. Anakin was sent off to a misson on Yavin 4. Padme was to meet Obi-Wan that day. She had been married for two weeks and hadn´t seen Obi since he and Ani faced Count Dooku. She was very exited. She felt something for him and wanted to find out what it was.

Few hours later Obi-Wan came. Padme opened the door and her heart skipped a beat when she saw him standing there and smiling at her.

„Hello Padme," smiled Obi.

„Obi-Wan, How are you?" She hugged him and gave a kiss on his bearded cheek. She loved the coarseness of his chin. „Come on in. I´ve had the maids prepare us a little meal."

„Oh, you didn´t have to." Obi Wan entered Padmes apartment. „Anakin left last night, he had to go on a mission on Yavin 4. That´s why he couldn´t come today."

„Yes, I konw, he already told me. What a shame, I was looking forward to meting you both."

As much as Padme didn´t want to lie, she had to. _He musn´t know we´re married. If there is any chance between us, it´ll be gone. _

„Sit, please, the maids will soon serve but meanwhile let us talk. I haven´t seen you for so long. How are you."

„Well, the fight we had with Dooku got us off duty for a while. I had to report on everything that happened. Anakin helped me but he is very impatient, so I mostly did all the work."

„Yes, he is still young. You can´t expect too much of him."

„But sometimes he acts like he´s disappointed in being a Jedi. It seems he thought he would have fame and he wouldn´t really have to do anything. But the point of being a Jedi is very different. We have rules to obey. We can´t live an ordinary life."

„Have you told him that? I know the meanings of being a Jedi."

„I´m so sorry, I forgot myself. It´s just that if I tell him what I just told you he would go out of his mind. Maybe I´m just noot a very good master."

„Don´t worry, you can tell me. And I think you are a great teacher. I just hope he grows up."

„Miss Amidala, lunch is served." said one of the maids.

„Thank you, Cordania. Obi-Wan, shall we eat?"

„Yes"

They talked all day. Padme enjoyed her time. Obi-Wan was very mature and wise. She wanted to be with him more and more, every time he said something. As night fell he had to leave. Padme didn´t want him to go. She felt bad as she said her goodbyes with him. When she walked to the couch in the living room, she noticed Obi had forgit his lightsaber. She ran out as quickly as she could. Her big dress kept her from going fast enough. She got to the elevator and prayed the fore that he would still be in the building. As the elevator reached the down floor she rapidly ran out of it seeking for the man she loves. _Is this real? Do I really love him? Why am I running like a fool_? Then she noticed him. Obi-Wan was getiing into his speeder. She ran out of the building and knocked on the speeders window. She startled him a bit. Obi opened the window and got out of the speeder.

„Why Padme, what are you doing here?" He asked her cleary very pleased to see her again.

Padme answered, trying to catch her breath. Running in gowns is not a good idea. „I…You forgot your lightsaber."

„Thank you"

He reached to take it from her as his finger gently touched her hand. Padme felt butterflys in her stomach. _Oh my, if only I could tell him how I feel. Marrying one and sleeping with other Jedi is not one should consider a lifestyle. _Those thoughts had always run through her mind when she met Obi or was thinking about him. She knew the risk her husband had to take to marry her. She didn´t want to set Obi under the threat of being expelled fom the council too. And she could ruin Obi-Wan and Anakins friendship. But that moment she forgot all her worrys. She took his warm hand and pressed her lips against Obi-Wans soft lips. She was calmer than she had ever been in her life. Their tender kiss seemed to last a lifetime. She didn´t know if Obi-wan was kissing her back or just in shock, but one thing was sure, he wasn´t pulling away. Padme ended the kiss with caressing obi wans right cheek with her left hand and slowly pulling her mouth away from hes.

They both stood there, quiet, just looking in each others eyes. Obi-Wan took his right hand from Padmes. He put his lightsaber on his belt, caressed Padmes cheek, smiled at her and left. Padme didn´t know how long she stood there. She had shown him her feelings, but she didn´t feel shame, foolishness, fear, she felt peaceful and happy. Something she hadn´t felt for some time. Anakin couldn´t ever provide her that sense of calmness. Maybe it was his hasty nature. Obi-Wan was not easily agitatable.

The doorman, who had quietly witnessed the scene asked Padme if she would like to come in, as it was quite chilly outside. Padme sighed and went up to him. She told him not to tell anyone what happened and went home.

_I´ll edit a new chapter soon. These are experimental to know how people react. If no good reviews are written I´ll delete it. I have a couple of other ideas I´d like to blow life into._


	3. Honey, I´m Home!

_Ok, this is all I´ve written. Chapter 4 is almost finished._

**Honey, I´m home!**

Anakin snuck up to Padme and whispered in her ear:

„Did you miss me?".

He got back from his mission early and wanted to suprise his wife. Padme, who was organizing her clothes, jumped up high because of that. Then she realised who it was, turned around and fell into Anakins arms.

„You´re back! I missed you!"

„I got everything done quicker than expected. The war is getting bigger every minute and soon the missons will be longer."

„But you were away for a month. That´s long enough!"

„Yes, it is. I missed you so much. I thought about you every day. So, what have you been doing for all this time?"

„You know, I am a senator. We have been deliberating the need of the war and what to do. It seems that most of the seantors want to fight and there are alot of dissonances. It is really distressing that…"

Anakin put his finger on Padmes mouth and took her head in his hand.

„Sssh…let us not thing about politics or the war. Let´s just be with eachother. Silent."

„Alright...Ani, I love you."

„I love you too."

They embraced for some time and Anakin went to bed. Padme said she would join him soon and went on the balcony. _Anakin is so sweet, I like him so much. I hope Obi-Wan doesn´t tell him what happened. It would crush him. I really don´t want to hurt him but my true love is Obi. Since I met him over 10 years ago I´ve had a chrish on him and now I truly, deeply love him. Why the hell did I marry Anakin. _She sat on the floor and put her head in her hands. She liked Ani but Obi-Wan seemed better. But then se thought: Have I forgotten the time spent whit Ani on Naboo. He was so lovely. I never wanted that time to end. _Obi does not love me. He has avoided me for weeks now. And he has never looked at me like my husband does. When I kissed him he looked at me like I was just a silly girl. BUT I AM A SILLY GIRL. A SILLY GIRL WITH A CRUSH! _Anakin went looking for Padme and found her sitting on the floor with her head in her hands and thinking very very hard about something.

„What are you doing here?"

Padme looked up. She had rubbed her eyes with her hands for too long that her vision was very hazy for a moment.

„I´m…I´m just thinking."

„About what?"

„About things. Why?"

„Well I´ve never seen you sitting on the balcony and rolling your head in your hands. What is concerning you so much."

„You know, work, the war. But now you´re back to comfort and everything will be fine."

„Did Obi-Wan visit you when I was away?"

„Yes. Once, the next day you went away. You remember we planned to have lunch that day, the three of us!"

„He came alone. He didn´t tell me anything about that."

Padmes heart jumped hearing Obi had kept his visit a secret.

„He didn´t tell you?"

„Yeah, he probarbly thought I knew."

And Padmes hopes were all gone.

„Yeah, that might be it."

„So are you going to think out here any longer? I´m going to bed."

„Good night. I like it out here."

Anakin sighed and left. Padme knew he wanted to have sex but she just didn´t feel like it. She wanted to think about Obi-Wan. He seemed so mature and sexy. _I bet he´s fantastic in bed. Oh dear, what am I thinking about. _She looked at the Jedi Temple and gave it a blow kiss. Anakin wasn´t asleep yet and cuddled his wife in bed. Padme understood where he was going to and started kissing him. Anakin got what he wanted that night.


	4. May The Truth Reveal Itself

**May the truth reveal itself**

Anakin had left early that morning. Padme slept till noon because her husband wanted her every night for the last two weeks. She was absolutely exhausted. Sadly Obi had left with Anakin to fight in the war. It had been two months since he dined with her and . She had noly seen him once when he came by the apartment to pick up Ani who had told Obi-Wan that he was going to have dinner with Padme and that he would stay the night. She had just woken up and looked horrible, Obi-Wan saw her, smiled and waved. She felt very embarraced but also melted in happiness that Obi had noticed her, and also forgot to wave back. Like a teenager, she sat in the bathroom for a hour cursing for making herself look so foolish.

That day she had a day off an she thought to spend it properly. She took 3PO and flew home to Naboo. She took a walk near the palace and visited her family. Padme was returning to the palace after having lunch with them, when she noticed someone very familiar not far away, it was Obi-Wan. She thought they were fighting in the Yavin system. She told the coachman to stop and ran out of the veichicle to him. Behind him she said:

„Hello, Obi-Wan. What brings you here, on Naboo?"

Obi-Wan, who was looking for somehing in the crowd, jumped hearing her voice. He turned around and looked who was speaking to him.

„Padme! How nice to see you." He said with a smile, „I just wished you were here."

Apparently Obi-Wan had followed a character from the Trade Federation to Naboo and lost him. With the help of Padme and her connections in Naboo they found fugitive quickly. He told them very important information about the separatists.

Few hours later Padme invited obi to have supper with her at her secret retreat in the Lake Country. Obi-Wan was happy to go and they go there at sunset. The maids prepared a little dinner for them and they had it on the balcony. It was warm outside and very beautiful. Padme rembered her wedding and smiled. She was happy to share the Nabooian sunset with the man she loved, with the men she loved. She could not decide if she loved Ani or Obi. Right now the memory of Anakin holding her hand and kissing her gently made her calm and happy. She started drifting away in thought and Obi-Wan who was sitting across the little round table started looking at her with a smirk. She was looking into the setting sun with a little smile on her face and thinking about the good times spent on Naboo. The orange light made Padme look very beautiful and Obi couldn´t take his eyes off her. They had just been staring there, each at their own direction, for some time when Padme jolted and also made Obi-Wan flinch. Padme realised what had happened and started laughing, she looked at Obi-Wan who was still watching her and stopped laughing. She had noot noticed the maids had brought them their supper and rose to get the food from the tray.

„So, how long is your vacation?" Obi-Wan asked to break the silence.

„I have to go back tomorrow morning, and you, how can you be here right now and noot fight in the war?"

„They don´t know how fast I found the fugitive."

„So youre skipping duties."

„In a way, yes."

„Is that a Jedi thing to do," Padme teased.

„Well…if you won´t tell, I wont." Obi replied.

They both smiled.

The Sun went down and night fell. They had a great time talking about things. Padme felt very comfortable with Obi-Wan and had a few drinks with him. She had nevers seen him so free and also so tipsy. He fouht it but lost and got quite drunk. The Sun was about t orise soon so they decided to run from it and get some sleep before it gets too light.

Padme took Obi to one of the guestrooms to show him where to sleep. She was standing next to the bed to make sure there are sheets when Obi stood behind her. She felt his calm and deep breath on her neck. She froze, she did noot know what to do, she did noot know what Obi was going to do.

Obi took her hand in his and put his other hand on her hip. He stepped closer and put his chin on her sholder. He slowly started to move his hands and kiss her bare sholders and neck gently. Padme moved her head in pleasure and couldn´t push him away. He pulled her against him and started to move his hands more, nearly touching her breast.

_Wat are you doing, Padme. You already married a Jedi and now you´re going to fool around with a nother. Besides hes drunk, he does noot know what hes doing. You are a former queen and a senator of a planet. You are noot allowed to get into things like these. But i feels so good._ _No!_

„No!" Padme said quetly and tore herself away from his arms. „You don´t know what you´re doing:"

„Oh yes I do. Come on, what about that kiss you gave me after thet dinner we had."

„I…I…I didn´t mean it. I was saying goodbye…"

„Oh, cut the bullocks, I know you have feelings for me."

„That does not mean i should Act on them."

They had started yelling.

„Well you have acted on them once…"

„What? What are you talking about?"

„Don´t play dumb, about Anakin, I know you are together."

„How do you know."

„It´s obvoious that you are not just friends…"

„And if I am with him why should I betray him with you?" Padme was furious that Obi treating her like that.

„Because you love me, not him!" Obi-Wan blurted out.

The shouting had woken up the help. Few maids were standing on the doorway, in shock. Padme gathered herself, "You must not talk about things you know nothing about." She made her emotionless senator-face and walked out of the room.

Obi sat on the bed and put his head in his hands. The maids asked he wanted something before bed and went back to bed, whispering amongst.

Padme slept little that night. She rolled in her bed thinking about things said. She thought if Obi-Wan had searched her feelings and answered the question she had had for some time now. Who does she really love? Does she actually love anyone at all? She started regretting her marriage, that maybe they were taking things too fast. Ani can´t tell her things, he has secrets. _When I´m with him I want Obi-Wan. Its not fair to him and if he finds about about these feelings for another man, I don´t know what he´ll do. Obi clearly showed he was interested in me, but was it the drink. What the heck did the maids bring us, I have to have a word with Coja about this. They have been so neglectful for their duties…_And with that string of thought Padme fell asleep.

I will improve them soon. Been busy lately so I wrote very briefly. Hope you like it. And the first to change is chapter 1. It is too graphic, so the rating will go to T too.


	5. In the Bedroom

**In the Bedroom**

The sun was up high when Padme woke. She opened her eyes and breathed in the sweet scent of jasmines and the forest. One of the maids had opened the big door that led to her balcony. She quickly crawled off her large bed and ran outside to welcome a new day.

She didn´t remember her quarrel with Obi-Wan the night before and was joyous to wake up at home after a long time.

The view from the balcony was spectacular: the lake was shimmering from the reflection of the sun and the birds were singing as beautiful as ever. Padme remembered when she was very young and she laid on the sand after swimming and tried to figure out which bird was singing. As much as she liked her job, she didn´t want to return to Coruscant, it was just too beautiful here, on Naboo.

She was reminicisesing about her past when she heard the bedrooms door being shut. Suddenly she remembered about Obi-Wan and became very jumpy. When she realised it was only her personal maid, Sande, who was to assist her with her gowns, hair and make-up, she relaxed. She wasn´t ready to face him just yet.

Sande brought breakfast to her mistress, knowing that after last nights incident, she would prefer to eat alone. Padme was grateful for that gesture, because she didn´t want to explain the help why she would not eat with her guest. She quickly finished her breakfast and sat down in fron of a big mirrow. Sande combed her long curled hair and put it up and made it very formal, so the senator wouldn´t have to change her hairdressing before the Senate meeting. She was late already and didn´t have time to redress back in Coruscant.

Doing Padmes make-up Sande got curious, collected herself, and asked:

„Mylady, if i may ask so, who is that man you are here with? Is he your consort?"

Padmes eyes widened, she was suprised that Sande asked her that, did it seem like they were a couple. Ofcourse staying up till sunrise and having a fight in the bedroom did make it seem like there was something between them.

Padme did not think long and replied:

„ What makes you think that? If I was married don´t you think the media would have talked about it. Hei s a Jedi who is just here as a friend." Padme noticed irritation and self-defence in her tone and stopped herself. She thought to change the subject, Sande had been a friend to her for years and she didn´t want to snap at her.

„Has Master Kenobi already eaten?" Padme asked

„Yes, he is in the garden waiting for departure."

After a few minutes of silence Sande silently mentioned.

„I just asked because the way he looks at you, and you at him."

Padme was striken, she couldn´t say a word. If the help notices something like that then it won´t be long till Anakin finds out about her unsure feelings. She stared into emptyness pondering about how to hide her feelings. She had been hiding her emotions for years behing her well-known cold Queens face. But this time it was not as simple, these emotions were too strong to keep under cover. She had lived a life without love for such a long time, that the need for it just didn´t let her hide it. Sure sh ehad the love of her family, but she wanted to be loved by a man and have the same feelings in return.

Sande finished her work and took her leave without Padme even noticing. The maid gave her a strange grinning look before opening the door and left. Padme jumped from hearing the sound of the door and collected herself. She realised she had not much time to spare.

_The Dream , which only 1 user had read, will come later in the story. I thought it would be better if Padme hat it back in Coruscant._


	6. Time to face the consequences

Padme found Obi-Wan in the garden and froze as she saw him look back at her and smile. She did not get that kind of behaviour: didn't they have a fight mere hours ago? Obi-Wan stepped towards her and took her hand in his. He kissed it and looked right into her eyes. She didn't know what to feel or do, it was hard to even breathe. Obi-Wan saw that of course and smiled to himself. After the previous night he had decided to change his approach. He wasn't entirely comfortable in his new role of a seductive lover but he kind of even liked it. He knew he wanted Padme and wanted to kiss her and have her with him every day of his life even if Anakin managed to get her first. Looking at her made him fall into a sort of trance for a couple of seconds, of course she noticed that and that made Obi-Wan a bit embarrassed. _Wow, failure from the get-go..._ thought Obi. Padme smiled slightly and asked him about his night, just to be polite of course. There was tension between them and they both knew it.

Looking at her Obi-Wan knew that his plan to woo her would probably foil. He realised that this woman deserved more than cheap tricks, not that it was a big surprise. Of course he wasn't aware of the impact his little kiss and look had already had on Padme and let go of her hand. He was uncomfortable and looked away. That made her uncomfortable too and even a bit disappointed. She thought she should break the silence but he managed to say something before her.

„Nice day, isn't it? Too bad it'll be full of work and politics on Coruscant."

He needed a neutral subject to talk about to make it less awkward.

„Uh..yes, indeed." Padme was a bit confused but collected herself quickly.

„I need to get going, I was just waiting for you to say goodbye."

„Yes, I understand. Its late already, I think we're both in a bit of a rush."

„I imagine we are."

Padme was out of words. Not really, her mind was full of questions and confessions but those were too inappropriate at the moment. Too inappropriate to even be thinking about. She was a married woman for force's sake!

„I will see you soon."

After saying that Obi-Wan left. Padme just stood there cursing herself and him for this behaviour. She knew why they both were ignoring what had happened the previous night but then again she needed to articulate all these things her heart and mind had been going through! She knew she couldn't work properly with all these unanswered questions and dashed after him. She knew it was wrong but then again it was so right. She had said „no" when he made his move but she wished she hadn't.

She grabbed him from behind as Obi was just a few feet from his ship and kissed him as passionatelly as possible. He grabbed ahold of her and pulled her into his ship which was small but large enough for a few passangers and a prisoner. The prisoner he had chased all around the galaxy till Naboo.

Obi-Wan pulled her into the small prisoner's cell and sat her onto a bench. He kissed her passionatelly onto her lips, cheeks, neck, breasts. She was so intoxicated that she could not resist him. Obi-Wan realised that and kissed her even more, messing up her hair and tearing off her dress. Padme realised that but didn't have time to worry about finding time to re-do her hair and make-up. For the first time she just didn't care about all that.

Obi-Wan pulled up her large skirt and entered her rapidly while kissing her breasts and neck. He was in a hurry only because he couldn't manage to fnd the strenght to stay away from her lucious body anymore.

Padme gasped for air as he kept on thrusting and grabbed ahold of him digging her nails deep into him. The feeling was amazing, she had never been this aroused before. Not even with Anakin, her husband and love.

_My love_

Padme suddenly realised what this would do to her husband and _love_ and pushed Obi-Wan away.

He looked at her with an unreadable expression but all she could do was run. Just run out of that place. She couldn't though because Obi-Wan had closed the ship's door behind them to not be disturbed and now was looking at her from the cell's doorway. She turned around and cried „Let me out of here!"

„Where's the rush?"

„This is not game! This is important! What are we doing?!" Padme was panicking. This was too much for her.

„What the..." Obi-Wan was confused, he didn't expect this sudden panick rush. „What's wrong?"

„Just let me out!"

„I thought you loved me!"

„I do! But I..I can't!"

Obi was angered and needed to know. „Why can't you!"

„I.. I can't, my vows!"

Obi-Wan looked at her in disbelief. „You didn't!"


End file.
